10 Lessons we learned from the Coronavirus (Blog # 65)

Hi. We’re back after a long hiatus! Here’s what we’ve been up to…

In March of 2020 we went on our first ever “real” vacation. Having been dog moms since we partnered in 2011, with as many as 3 senior dogs in our care at a time, left us with few travel options. Every summer we would rent a dog friendly chalet and pile into the car with leashes and dog toys crates, blankets and treats and spend a week swimming and splashing at the lake and roasting marshmallows by the fire. 

When the last of the pack passed away in late January ( see our last blog to read our tribute to Shannon) we knew that this would afford us a travel opportunity. This brings us to Spring Break 2020…. When Covid-19 was not a global pandemic but a situation that was only out of control in China and Italy. 

As a result, we booked our dream trip! A weekend in NYC, a 7 day cruise to the Bahamas with a pit stop in Florida, where we made our first visit to Walt Disney, Magic Kingdom!

We vlogged about these adventures and you may view them here….

part 1 NYC

part 2 Disney

part 3 Bahamas Cruise

So, little did we know and despite having taken every precaution, it turned out that we were actually smack in the epicentre of a global pandemic, it still came as a shock to us  that we actually caught Covid-19 somewhere along the way!

Here’s what happened…. We got home and started to feel sick… 

A week later we got tested. A day later we got the results. It wasn’t until months later that we actually felt better.

What have we learned from this encounter with covid?

1. family, neighbours and friends are a lifeline because without them you will starve to death (until you figure out how to order from Walmart or Provigo, then you will be ok)

2. the police will come over late at night and aggressively shine a flashlight in your home accusingly because some other neighbour has falsely identified you as a covid spreader going around the streets and coughing uncontrollably

3. it’s really scary to have a virus that people are repeatedly dying from all around the world and you are continually being forwarded stories and being told about shortages of ventilators and 30 years on life support in the ICU with no pre-existing health conditions.

4. I can take and tolerate A LOT more asthma medication than I believed was humanly possible. 

5.  Even if I am not in a praying state of mind, others will carry you and hold you up in surprisingly wonderful ways 

6. I am so lucky to have a wife who takes such impeccable care of me. (actually, who am I kidding? This I already knew! Dragon is the best! Full stop)

7. Working on a computer, seated comfortably at a desk with a hot mug of tea can have the same effect on the body as doing manual labour like moving appliances or roofing, when one has covid. 

8. Sleep and rest are necessary for recovery and not to underestimate their importance and power 

9. This virus is really scary and unpredictable and even if you think you are feeling better, don't get caulky because you will likely feel worse again

10. Even if you take every precaution, wash your hands, keep a distance, have a healthy lifestyle, avoid contact with others, stay out of elevators and closed spaces, work out, eat vegan, take vitamin d, probiotics and cold FX with Zinc every day, you can still get covid-19

Please stay safe….

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

A Heartbreaking Tribute to our Shannon

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Shannon was feisty!

She came into my life on my 33rd birthday. This felt significant because my first dog, Shady was adopted from the SPCA on my 22nd birthday and she was the most beautiful, special girl and we had the closest relationship. She is in fact, the namesake of all my dogs who have names that begin with “sh” in her memory. I thought, “maybe this is a sign”.

Shannon (then bebe) had been relinquished from her home for biting a child. Originally acquired from a pet store, she was on her way to a shelter when a dog rescuer intervened to foster her. That’s when I was approached to help out. I tentatively agreed, pending my border collie, Shawn’s approval and my being able to overcome my own fear of her because I knew she was a biter and when I met her she was nipping at me too! 

She was a hearty little thing, all fierce and defensive. Not a playful puppy at less than 12 months old, she was already serious and discriminating. She didn’t trust easily. I remember the moment that she decided to trust me. I brought her home and was relieved that she and Shawn and the cats showed an immediate comfort with one another. I went to another room and she was waiting outside the door for me. Giving me eye contact. I picked her up and just like that, we were bonded. That foster became a rescue that spanned 171/2 wonderful years.

Shannon and Shawn forged a relationship that even included mouth play, wrestling and playing. This was shocking and delightful because Shawn was a bit of a cold fish. He preferred frisbie chasing to socializing so his connection to Shannon was surprising and wonderful. They cohabited without incident. In fact, Shannon came on most of our hearty, wild walks and adapted to the fast paced border collie life. She was less partial to impromptu frisbee throwing stops especially in chilly weather and would refuse to go at all when it was downright cold. Although she was well equipped with snowsuits for sunny winter days. 

She was strong and mighty and was always healthy and hearty. She loved to eat, she loved to nap, she was protective and loyal. When her other mother Kuki came on the scene, they had an almost immediate connection. It was Kuki who took a shine to Shannon most in the beginning. But it wasn’t long before the love was reciprocal. Kuki could read Shannon. She knew how to make her bed to perfection, which sometimes required the addition of the sweater off of our backs. 

We cooked for her and went on adventures. She played brain games and seemed to enjoy a lively household with the other cats and dogs in the family. In her younger years, Shannon liked to chase muskrats at the waters’ edge or geese in open fields. She would yip and yap for what she wanted and could fend for herself with other dogs. She had this way of commanding respect. She was deceivingly cute yet surprisingly fierce. Many people had experienced her wrath and were still weary of her even when she was feeble, toothless and geriatric. She was still going for walks up until about a year ago. We used to go on what we would call the “unlimited sniffs walk” where she would choose exactly where she wanted to go, when to stop and sniff and when to return home. She was civilized and would take us on a reasonable excursion until she was ready to go home for some water and cookies. But she was rapidly slowing down. Had lost her eye site, her hearing and her appetite was minimal but her thirst unquenchable. We spent the last year in a constant quest to keep her fed. She had chronic kidney disease and was emaciated. She would still bark at us angrily when we got home from work and would gobble down a few mouthfuls of fresh, warm food in between sleeping on heated blankets and tip toeing gingerly around the house bumping into walls. 

She was our only dog for the past 5 years so we often joked that she enjoyed her new found status of queen bee. Of course, we did everything we could for her. Including knowing when it was time to let her go. 

If you knew Shannon then thank you for being a friend to her. She was our whole heart and we are so grateful to her for every lick and sniff, for every time she made us smile and laugh, for every zoomie and for letting us carry her when she got tired on walks, for being so precious. That is what she was to us. Our precious sweet girl who we will love forever.

Blog #63 What is Success? We have no idea...

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2019 was the year following the launch of our first book, The Butterfly Trap. It was tricky to stay energized in the wake of this. We used all of our resources, time and money to launch this project and were blown away by the support and love we received. It felt like we had made it to the top of the mountain and the next logical step was to descend.  Pair this with the fact that we have full time jobs, aging parents, pets and domestic responsibilities like everyone else. So, being creative and engaging our followers, making time to continue to market the book, do readings, write songs and perform was a feat (to say the least).

Last night we sat down and did a year end review. We started with a column that read “Wins”. I am aware of the importance of counting wins and I strongly encourage this practice. In fact, you should do this now if you haven’t already. Take a paper, make a column that says “wins” and go! 

We started strong, quickly documenting our wins. We were encouraged by the success of the readings and numerous opportunities to share our story and music. We wrote new songs and blogs and vlogs and did a pretty decent job of keeping the momentum going. 

Soon we started slowing down, it was time to evaluate from the perspective of what needed improvement. This came much more easily and soon the list had grown longer than the first one and that’s when I abruptly suggested we move on to other considerations because the negatives can easily outweigh the positives. 

You may be curious about some of these shortcomings.  Well, the list is long but here are a few. We could have worked harder, used our time more effectively, reached more kids, used social media more strategically, vlogged better, blogged more, volunteered more, researched and read and listened and hustled more etc.

It’s great to be honest about what needs improvement but even more important to count your wins. I believe that this will lead to greater success than lamenting the losses. 

Let me be honest, it’s hard to stay perky and positive and enthusiastic….

It’s hard to dream big. It’s harder for some people than others. We are people who have had to work very hard for everything we have. We are student loan people. We are not property owners, we have no wealth to speak of. We don’t come from families who have wealth either. Our parents had to work very hard to provide for us. There were no lavish vacations. Money wasn’t flowing. 

Self publishing, marketing and launching The Butterfly Trap was a big investment for us. It was scary to take this level of risk. In fact, It was uncharacteristic of us. But we did it and we’re doing it again. This time a little wiser, more shrewd and focused. 

Will this mean that we are successful?

Will this mean that we have “made it”???

We have already made lots of mistakes we can say that for sure. 

I am not sure what would make me feel that we have achieved success. I can say that there was something very satisfying about the process of creating and publishing our first book. But did we achieve the success that I hope for? And what does that success look like?

I have often joked that I will feel successful when Disney buys the rights to our story and makes a feature film from it. But the truth is, there is nothing quite as satisfying as reading our book to a group of children who are attentive and laughing and engaged with the narrative. That is truly the definition of success.

More of that please….

Love, Dragon + Bunny

(written by Bunny)

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Blog #62 Highlights and Lowlights ----one year later!

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It’s been almost a year since we published our book, The Butterfly Trap. 

Let’s look back at some of the highlights and lowlights…

Highlights of publishing our book….

• We published our book. I mean that in itself is the highlight.. We made a dream come true. Full stop. 

• Our book launch and pop up shop---- Last Fall we hosted events and even read The Butterfly Trap and sang our song to a live audience for the first time! It was Epic! 

• We had opportunities to read and perform The Butterfly Trap book and song in libraries, schools, daycares and summer camps - also epic!

• We shipped our book to so many children from near and far and felt the elation of sharing a story that we means so much to us and that we believe in!

• We were on CJAD live radio, singing our song and talking about our book. 

• We reached into children’s hearts and received feedback from them that made us so happy and proud.  Hearing them say, “The Butterfly Trap” is my favourite book” may be the most significant highlight so far. 

• Winning an award and an honourable mention for The Butterfly Trap in the LGBT and environmental / green books category

• Blogging and vlogging and connecting with so many people via email and on social media. We have received so many messages of appreciation, support and encouragement and this has kept us going!

Lowlights of publishing our book….

• Trying to balance the responsibilities of being children’s authors with our full time jobs and other family obligations.

• Keeping the energy and output high - staying motivated and productive

• Dealing with writers block (when blogging) 

• Making sure that we still found time for each other and for some leisure and not devoting every moment to the website, blog, branding and marketing of the book.

What have we learned….

Soooooo much! We have learned so much that we are thinking about teaching a course on publishing children’s books. Now that we are actually ready to embark on The Butterfly Trap sequel, we can’t wait to put into motion the things we have learned. Such as publishing and branding tips, creative insights, launch tweaks and on and on and on! But we will blog about that another time! For now, thanks for being with us on this book publishing journey.

The best is yet to come!!!!

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

Let’s not objectify children….

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I am not one to say “I love kids,” because saying that implies that children are like marigolds, always yellow, blooming. Give them water and sunlight and they are sure to delight you with their beauty. 

Children have needs that are varied, diverse and can be unpredictable. They are not marigolds. They are individuals and can be complex and challenging. They can be angry, aggressive and determined, soft, considerate and generous. So, I don’t love children but I love the way that children express their diversity and humanity. 

I have found our collective reaction to Greta Thunberg at times to be objectifying and patronizing. Of course she is adorable! There is no denying it and there is no question that Greta has our attention. But are we really hearing her? Are we grasping her message?

You will recall that when she addressed the UN and asked “How dare you?” She was outraged and she has good reason to be! Our mistakes, shortsightedness, complacency and greed have compelled her to advocate on everyone’s behalf and as a result, we are kind of amused by it. Valerie Plante, the mayor of Montreal, even expressed this amusement and delight in a radio interview last week, “It’s wonderful” she said. It is wonderful but Greta’s message is also disturbing. We should be ashamed of ourselves and our global climate situation. And we should be in awe that this message is being delivered to so many by someone who otherwise would be ignored due to their age and / or gender.

I am inspired by the intelligence, grit and capacity of a teenager who has reminded us of the consequence, vitality and necessity of young people, of their efficacy, depth and leadership. Not in a patronizing, objectifying way or a source of entertainment, but as a bringer of truth, as a source of wisdom and I would go so far as to say, a modern day prophet. She serves as a voice of reason in a sea of despair. 

Let us not minimize Greta’s message or the message of children. Let us hear them, consider them and respond accordingly. Children are not marigolds and they are certainly not here for beauty or entertainment. Let’s love and listen and respond with the respect, attention, authority and dignity that they deserve. 

We want to know, what will you do to change? How has Greta’s message and determination inspired you to take action and responsibility? 

Why you should go apple picking - and why it matters - especially for the kids!

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Sometimes we have wondered what it is with the apple picking sensation? Actually, to be honest, it is I, Bunny who has wondered. It is, in fact, one of Dragon’s absolutely favourite things to do!

I will confess that I have asked myself, why do we all go every year in throngs? Why do hoards of children ride in a school bus to make their way to apple orchards despite the cliché and redundancy? Where is the value in this activity? (I am cringing right now by the way…)

We are here to share our opinion! I have certainly upgraded mine.

Our book The Butterfly Trap won a green books / Environmental honorable mention because it encourages self reflection and awareness of nature. This topic, as you may imagine, is dear to our hearts.

Because here’s the thing…

We are in desperate need for connection to the earth, to her bounty and to nature! She is our connection to our source and to our very essence! 

It is obvious that we devote far more time to technology than trees, so for the love of all things good and true, this is precisely why we need to get out and pick an apple, get muddy, observe the changes of the season, notice bugs, flowers and birds. These are some of the best and most magical part of who we are.

Kids are getting further away from knowing the natural world than ever before. It is our duty to at least let them fill a bag with apples that they actually picked, as a vital reminder of the beauty and importance of creation, and as the very source of food and our sustenance and survival.

This is why apple picking matters!

Let us know if you agree….

Oh! And We vlogged about it too….. Check it out!

And please subscribe to our Youtube channel while you are there

Love,

Dragon + Bunny.

Blog #59 Saying Good Bye....

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Dragon can’t stop playing the scene in her mind. The moment when she passed the heavy rock salt urn to her middle brother who proceeded to hurl it unceremoniously into the rapids of the Fleuve St. Laurent. It landed as you might expect with the splash of a boulder and was swiftly carried by the current for several feet before making its way down.

That was how we said goodbye to Bozidar yesterday. 

His grand sons and wife and children and their partners stood nearby. We proceeded to dissect a bouquet, throwing individual white flowers in after him. A large white rose was released followed by hydrangea and lilies and carnations. They formed a beautiful procession and I hoped that swimmers and picnicers nearby might admire them too. 

He was free.

We granted his wish.

We felt so much lighter knowing that he was where he wanted to be.

He was heading back to Croatia, unfettered by life jackets, or seat belts, tickets or fuel. 

Bon voyage to one of the most upstanding, kind and loyal of them all!

Dragon’s Dad was an amateur photographer and liked to give photography advice. This one is for him as he would recommend that we avoid smiling for the best pictures. We took this right before we released him into the water.

Blog #58 It's Our Five Year Wedding Anniversary.... (our letters to each other)

A pic from our wedding day Aug. 16 2014

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Five years ago we got married…. (there is the evidence lol)

We had a big pot luck party with our friends and family. 

There was a D.J and dancing and lots of food! So much food! But we hardly ate a bite! 

We were blessed and prayed over by some of our clergy friends. We were lifted up and supported by those who love us most.

It meant a lot to us to stand in front of our community and formally declare our commitment. 

What a day! 

Fast forward five years and we continue to stand together not just in a symbolically married way but in all the ways. We share a life together, support each other, laugh together, eat together, cherish our beautiful, kind, magical, passionate union. Every day we love one another more deeply.

So there is much to celebrate on this five year anniversary. Here is a note I wrote for Dragon on our anniversary (we don’t give each other gifts)

Dear Dragon,

Honestly, thank you for your laughter, your trust, for the ways you care for our family, for your strength, your joy, for our connection, your integrity and honesty and your endless kindness through it all.

Love,

Bunny

Dear Bunny,

I am so thankful to call you my wife. You make me smile every day and laugh until I can’t breathe anymore. Your incredible sense of adventure and play is infectious, not to mention that you are so smart and sensitive. You’ve got it all babe! Happy anniversary my dear bunny.

Love your Dragon

5 Years later… more in love than ever!

Where have we been? Blog #57

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Where have we been?

It seems we have dropped off the planet…

We have been immersed in a family emergency that has taken all of our time, attention and energy for the past month.

Let’s rewind a bit. When we were celebrating my birthday at our summer vacation rental we learned that Dragon’s Dad had been admitted into hospital and was in the ICU. This warranted our immediate return. We were relieved when we saw him and learned that he had improved and was expected to recover. 

We returned to the country and resumed our vacation without much concern, knowing that there were other family members on the scene and receiving reassurance from the ICU nurses on our nightly phone calls.

Things didn’t go as we had hoped, however. Sadly, we lost our Father / Father in law last week. We will spare you the details but suffice it to say that 23 days in the ICU pushed everyone in the family to the brink of complete despair.

Seeing someone you love suffer and die is traumatic to say the least but enduring this surrounded by the constant sense of urgency, coupled with the fear and anxiety of the patients and families in the intensive care unit set to the back drop of machines beeping the fragile sounds of life is even worse. 

We have all been to hell and back and are altered by the loss of a man we love. 

But, let’s not talk about the death anymore… Let’s talk about his life...

His name was Bozidar Juretic. He was born in Croatia and was beyond proud of his Croatian identity. Having been in Montreal since he was a young man, he still spoke mostly only in Croatian and spoke mostly of Croatia and cooked food inspired by his cultural heritage as well. He wore a Croatian flag on his hat, was a devoted soccer fan, loved the arts, his walls are covered in oil paintings from his country and he devoured the news and all things Croatian. He kept in close contact with his Croatian friends and family making regular overseas phone calls, exchanging letters and always making time to check in. Family was everything to him. He was a loyal man who was true to his word. 

He loved to tell stories. In fact, even as he was struggling to breath in his hospital bed over these last weeks, he always found the energy to share elaborate tales of his heroism as a younger man - from battling sharks in the ocean to hunting expeditions in the woods. 

As a Father Dragon describes him as using a “tough love” parenting style. “He always knew better, so I always pushed harder but he would give you the shirt off his back without a doubt. He demanded honesty and integrity from us. If I said I would be home at 9:00, this didn’t mean 9:01. He was a man of honour and expected his family to follow suit. He took me to play on the monkey bars every day when I was a small child. He was so proud of my skills and would cheer me on with unlimited enthusiasm. I had to ban him from attending my hockey games however because his enthusiasm ended up stressing me out as he tapped on the glass and shouted Croatian profanities a few feet from my face which inevitably provoked me and threw off my game even further. I did however revoke the ban in recent years and he was very well behaved in the stands offering appropriate levels of praise and encouragement. 

I think he was most proud of me when we attended a Habs game a few winters ago and I caught a Montreal Canadians t shirt from the t shirt canon. He stood in jubilant celebration shouting Bravo! Bravo!  In that moment, none of my academic accomplishments or athletic achievements could measure up. I had finally won his respect. He had never been more proud of me! It was one of my favourite memories.”  

As a Father in Law, I would describe him as one of the most loving, strong and devoted people I have ever met. He showed me love and kindness in subtle yet unmistakable ways. Mostly through his incredible culinary skills! I know that his daughter being married to a woman wasn’t easy for him and I know that he would have preferred if I were a man but despite this, he still told me fishing stories and welcomed me into his home, and received me at his death bed as though gender and sexuality were no longer an issue. When my sister died he made my brother in law a ham and I won’t ever forget his generosity and thoughtfulness. Being included as his family is an honour that I didn’t take lightly. 

So, this is where we have been…. 

Managing the suffering, the grief, the loss of a person who was a pillar to us.

Thanks for understanding where we have been.

We hope to be back soon….

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

It's Bunny's Birthday so here are 50 things about her...

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I just had a milestone birthday so I have been pretty reflective.
What does it mean to turn 50?

Turning 50 means that it’s official, at least half of my life is over. I have climbed up the mountain and now it’s time for the descent.

The hard work is over

It’s time to coast

Right?

Yes?

Not really… not for me. Yet, a part of me believes this to be true, it’s a belief that I hold somewhere. I wrestle with it because I don’t actually agree with this. I don’t feel this in my bones.  

What I feel in my bones is that it’s just beginning.

Today is the beginning.

I am about to climb the mountain…..it’s all in front of me.

50 things about me ...

1. Fave color is red

2. First time I kissed a girl was 8 years ago with Dragon

3. First time I kissed a boy I was 13 ish I think

4. I love to swim, I love water but don’t like being cold 

5. One of my best friends died suddenly in an accident when we were 12

6. Gardening is the bomb - healing, fun, creative and restoring

7. I believe in God

8. When I was a child I wanted to be a writer when I grew up

9. I haven’t traveled on a plane in almost 10 years

10. I am divorced and leaving my ex husband is the best thing I ever did

11. When I was a teenager I believed I would have children (I was wrong)

12. I have never lived outside of Montreal

13. I was an early childhood educator in a number of settings for 20 + years

14. My fave show (right now) is The Handmaid’s Tale

15. Fave season is summer and I love the sounds of crickets and cicadas

16. I hate winter

17. I have always liked fitness and right now am enjoying weight training and yoga

18. I love jewellery - especially gold! But silver too! And fake stuff too.

19. High school was very problematic for me

20. I never had a pet growing up but Lord knows I wanted one!

21. I have had 7 animals in my adult life (3 cats and 4 dogs) 

22. I moved out of my parents house when I was 20 and started having pets right away!

23. I have had the same best friend since early childhood

24. I love nature

25. I love my wife in a way that is deeper, better and richer than I have ever loved anyone

26. We have one dog now and she is almost 18 years old!

27. I love to wake up really early! Mornings are my time (spiritual, energized and productive)

28. I meditate and pray

29. I am a good listener and am really curious about people

30. I love to learn

31. I have trouble learning from video tutorials and manuals and prefer learning from people

32. My father died over 8 years ago

33. My eldest sister died 3 years ago

34. I fell in love with Dragon and “came out” not long after my father died. Apparently that’s a thing.

35. I was in therapy for a loooooonnnngggggg time! 

36. I believe in the power of prayer, thought and a rich inner life

37. I miss living in a house and aspire to live in a house again someday. I enjoy domesticity.

38. I currently live in the same apartment I grew up in

39. I love singing and used to sing in a choir and a band

40. I love art, reading and music (ok that’s three things oops)

41. I have a strong work ethic

42. I can be lazy

43. I love to take baths (epsom salts and essential oils are life)

44. I prefer a hot bath / shower - like way too hot for Dragon

45. I have a history of co dependent, abusive relationships 

46. I am no longer in an abusive, co dependent relationship 

47. I love Matisse

48. I love fun things (clothes, music, people and animals)

49. My other sister cut me off suddenly and hasn’t spoken to me since 2011

50. I say a robust thank you to life / God every single day 

So there you go!

Can you tell I don’t feel like it’s quite over yet? I’m still pretty hopped up on life and all it has to offer. 

I am so ready for the next 50!

Bring it!

Check out Our Milestone Birthday Vlog….

Blog #55 What’s the secret to our crazy, happy life???

What’s the secret to our crazy, happy life???

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• Laughter

• Trust

• Connection 

• Passion

(Laughter)

We laugh every day…. And we sing all the time. Even if we are cranky we are usually able to interrupt it with some of our crazy antics. Dragon makes me laugh even when she isn’t trying to. I just find her so funny and smart! Oh wait…. Smart isn’t funny but she is smart and funny so….

(Trust)

We have built a life that is founded on trust. We had to break the trust of  some important relationships to be together and perhaps this is why we are so committed to the health and well being of our sense of safety and trust. I don’t know I just know that we prioritize and nurture our trust by being accountable to what we say and do… it’s such a blessing

(Connection)

We cuddle every night, we sing and make music and art together, we love and care for our fur and extended family, we share each others interests, we cook and eat together and we deeply value the spirit of connection of our partnership. We have a ridiculous amount of nicknames for each other. Here are a few of mine… Dragon, D, Bubs, Bubba, Love bum and so many more that are too weird to mention lol

(Passion)

We are passionate about so many things from sports to spirituality, fitness, music, yoga and art!

We fuel this passion in our relationship by encouraging and supporting each other.

I mean… I actually love watching Dragon play hockey on Sundays! And I never in my life would have imagined myself saying that!  I mean who actually enjoys sitting in a cold arena for three hours at a time????

MEEEEE!!!! (Bunny!)

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

P.S Watch our throw back date night video on Youtube for a laugh and how about touques AND a hood (UGH Winter!)

Want more blogs like this??

Check out another awesome blog on life satisfaction “10 Insights to a happy and Fulfilled Life” by Jeff Adler

Blog #54 There is Something About Summer

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What is it about summer?

Why is it that there is less tension in my shoulders and more moisture on my skin?

Everywhere I look there is beauty and life (in fact, I am watching a butterfly drink nectar from a very mature, sweet smelling lilac flower in my neighbour’s garden as I pause to write this)

My ears are filled with the delicious sound of birdsong and the rustle of leaves in the trees.

The days are long, the air is warm, there is water for swimming and gardens for greening.

Everything expands and there is greater ease.

Is it just me?

What’s not to love?

I have a memory of being a small child and changing into my pyjamas after supper after a long, happy day of sun and water. It was a loose fitting, flowy nightie and I had a plastic swing tied by ropes to a tree in front of our cottage. I went outside on my own with no shoes on my feet and swung on the swing without a care in the world! I felt unbelievably free and satisfied with everything exactly as it was. So simple and yet so perfect.

A warm Summer evening, a comfortable cotton nightie, a swing in the front of a house, the safety of a family nearby…. this is as good as it gets. Is this why I love summer so much?

All hail summer!

Blog # 53 My Dad

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My Dad loved nature, birds, stars, planets and rocks. I can still recall him best through natural elements. He was a very handsome man but wasn’t vain. He was not educated but was smart and read the newspaper from cover to cover every day. He worked hard and took seriously his role as provider to his wife and four children.  He didn’t talk to me much because he was a man of few words and little encouragement. For a large part of my life I don’t think he liked me much either. He had a bad temper and seemed to be trapped by his anger. But I remember sitting on his lap when I was a little girl in front of the  humble, tiny little house we called a summer cottage (which is now someones garage) where we would have campfires on warm summer nights. I felt so safe there gazing up at the vast night sky with the stars and the full moon seeming to look down at us with that familiar crooked smile. Dads hand pointing wildly to show me the big dipper.

My Dad liked beer and he was probably a little drunk that night but I won’t ever forget the feeling of being his daughter by that fire under that moon.

I know now that he loved me, didn’t always like me but he loved me. I realize that life was hard for him and he took it all on his shoulders. Joy didn’t seem to come easily to him but bitterness and resentment did. When he died I felt a combination of relief and regret, grief, loss and fear.

Relieved because of our awkward, sometimes strained relationship and the grip it had on me, regret because there was no way to ever repair it, grief because we was my Dad, loss and fear because our family would never be the same.

I had no way of knowing how our lives would change a few months later. I left my husband and found true love, soon after that my middle sister abruptly cut me out of her life completely. Our family is but a shadow of what it once was. I think that my Dad was actually holding it all together in his own way. His quiet strength was the glue. It all came undone after he died. So Father’s Day is a time to take stock of the importance of the Dads in our lives. What are they holding up? What would come crashing down if they were gone? Sometimes this is less obvious than we may realize…

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads!

And sending love, support and encouragement to all of the sons and daughters who’s Dads are no longer here or things may not be what you would hope for…

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

Blog #52 Is fighting a sign of a healthy relationship?

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Is conflict a healthy expression of intimacy or a harmful barrier? Bunny has something to say.

Things we commonly hear about fighting:

It’s important and healthy to fight because it allows couples to learn how to communicate more effectively.

Or

fighting is necessary because it gets things out in the open

I am curious about this. I know I have heard it so often and surely even said it myself.

These words have comforted me and helped to justify the fighting in my relationships. Fighting that never felt healthy, important or necessary but I assured myself it was something that had to be worked through in order to be in a relationship.

Right?

Yes?

I mean everyone says so. Everyone fights they say. It’s normal. Our parents fought, their parents fought and couples represented in film and television regularly fight.. It’s what all couples do. Or at least it’s what we’re constantly told.

Weird though that we don’t give the same permission to kids in a classroom setting. When a conflict arises we abruptly shut it down, demand apologies and regurgitate messages of  instant reconciliation.

Theories of community building suggest that conflict is not only normal and healthy but a vital part of establishing a meaningful and effective “true” version of community.

I would like to share my personal experience.

Our experience and impression of conflict can vary tremendously. Both in my family and in my romantic relationships, mine was largely unpleasant, left me feeling small and scared.

But I endured it because I believed that it was normal and healthy.

Dragon and I have been together for nearly eight years and will be celebrating 5 years of marriage in August.  We have never had a fight and I have never felt small or scared. The best part is that I have never been in a healthier, more communicative, loving and safe relationship in my life, without conflict. .

Have we disagreed? Of course!

Did we listen to one another?

Yes of course! But without intimidating, shouting, hurting or diminishing one another.

So, if conflict is defined as a space where there are differences then yes, I agree this is an unavoidable and essential part of the journey but it doesn’t have to cause harm.

That’s the essential thing.

What is your experience of conflict? Has it been a healthy expression of intimacy or a harmful barrier towards it?

Blog #51 My Favourite childhood Book

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I was probably about 7 years old when my class went to the school library with the single purpose of looking at books. We could choose which books to read and select where we wanted to read them. I loved the autonomy of the library plus the quiet, carpeted room was soothing to me. Perhaps in contrast to the more institutional, structured classroom setting where we spent most of our time.

I remember loving one book in particular… The Tiger who Came to Tea. I would sit on the carpeted floor in an unpopulated nook of the library and devour the illustrations, drinking in every detail.

Better still, the fun didn’t stop there… we had, what I perceived as the ultimate luxury, of taking books home! Yes that’s right, I got to bring my favourite piece of school home with me to show my mother. It was as though she could see a snapshot of my imagination on those pages. I was so excited to share. I read the book so many times that I had memorized the pages, each detail and word.

I loved this book in the quiet unassuming way that a child loves. Not because it was cool or because I was told I should or I was imitating someone else. I loved it because it spoke to me. It lit up my imagination, made me curious. I saw myself on the pages and wished I could be a part of the story.

This book impacted me, impacted the way I drew, the way I thought, the way I dreamed and what I believed. I believed that Tigers could come to tea and that parents would accommodate them.

Just last week the author of this precious work, Judith Kerr, died at the age of 95. She described herself as “incredibly lucky”. She published her first book (The Tiger who came to Tea) at the age of 45. Last week it struck me that she had no idea how much her book meant and I somehow wanted her to know. The same day I was lending a brilliant new novel that had touched me deeply to a friend who I believed would also be impacted by the book. Similarly, this author (Sophie Macintosh) would never know. I have only rarely reached out and written to an author to share my appreciation. So often, we acquire books through libraries or borrowed from friends and the author has no trace of these transactions.

Art is like that…

You create something

You set it free

And it may soar into the hearts of a few or if we are very lucky many… but mostly we never really know.

Art can save lives, transform us, art gives meaning, art lifts us up, art teaches us about ourselves and pushes boundaries, ignites our imagination, wakes us up! Art is personal and intimate and reaches us in ways sometimes that literally only art can. Often there are no words only sensations and feelings that can light up parts of our brain in new and important ways.

But as creators we may never know the depth and breadth of this impact. Is it 1000 people we wish to reach or one person 1000 fold?

This morning we read our book The Butterfly Trap to around 100 kids and the look in their eyes, the way they connected to the story with their gaze, their joyful laughter and enthusiasm was elating for us. We wrote this book because we wish to connect, to make meaning, to challenge ideas and to help kids make sense of the world.

We received more positive feedback this morning than perhaps we ever have and there are hardly any words to describe how it feels to learn that your art is having a positive impact. The question we received most often though was…

“Do you have other books?”

We had better get busy!!!

Love,

Dragon + Bunny

(photo credit Lower Canada College)

Blog #49 Failure doesn't Always Suck

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Failure doesn’t always suck...

Last weekend  we took part in a craft fair. We broke our 5 year hiatus, woke up early filled with enthusiasm, boxes already neatly packed by the door and ready to tackle the day. We arrived and unpacked, equipped with a new tablecloth which we had selected with great care by the way, we had a pretty bowl of candies for our visitors, new business cards and a money box complete with change for all of the transactions we were sure we would make.

Within about 15 minutes of being installed at our booth, we sat among the other vendors who had the same distant look on their faces and Dragon looked at me and said… “now do you remember why we stopped doing craft fairs?” I started laughing because I was glad she said it first. Truthfully, I was feeling it too but I was trying to look on the bright side. It all came rushing back to me …

Craft fairs are not for everyone and I think it’s fair to say that they are officially not for us.

But failure doesn’t always suck. In fact, we wrote a fun song that day, we laughed and talked to some really nice people. We shared some advice with a fellow vendor who was just 14 years old with the hopes that she could benefit from some of the things we have learned over the years, among other highlights.

So it certainly wasn’t all lost, it never is.

Failure doesn’t suck because you learn what not to do next time.

Here’s another failure for you… We had to cancel our workshop that was scheduled to run on Victoria Day Monday. We were so excited to host a Spring themed kids workshop and to collaborate with our friend Fiona. We had already begun dreaming and planning. The registration process was underway but some people cancelled and we couldn’t fill the minimum number of spots to offer the event. One of the hopes I secretly had was that we would fill the remaining workshops spots at the craft fair. I was wrong. The most popular thing at our craft fair table that day were the free candies.

So, it is with some disappointment and humility that we accept these circumstances. The situation sucks, because we were looking forward to the workshop but the failure doesn’t because failure is a great teacher.

• Failure means you tried

• Failure offers important insights

• Failure is a friend that affords learning opportunities and growth.

These set backs can’t keep us down …we are hatching new plans and dreams and are not giving up on future workshops and opportunities. In fact, in others news, Dragon took the plunge this week and approached KidLink on Monkland about carrying our book and sure enough, The Butterfly Trap can now be found on the shelves of one of Montreal’s finest children’s book and toy shops!

We still have so many hopes and dreams for The Butterfly Trap and are beyond grateful to have you guys along with us!

Onwards and Upwards!

Thanks for your support

Love,

Bunny and Dragon

Teacher Talk

Old Ms. Kuki had a Farm

Hello lovely people, Kuki / Dragon here. The other day Bunny and I were giving each other our daily recap of “how was work today?” and it dawned on us; maybe YOU, our loyal blog readers, would like a little glimpse into the precious moments of a kindergarten teacher! Honestly, I have sooooo many stories and I probably forget most of them even before I get home, lol, but I do have a few that have stuck with me over the years and I would like to share some of these precious gems with you. So here we go.

Kindergarten and Reading

There is this magical moment for some children in kindergarten when they finally start to crack the code of reading. It’s almost like a superpower that gets bestowed onto them. (Disclaimer: not all children begin reading in kindergarten and that’s OK ) When this does happen, they are filled with this incredible joy and their thirst for more explodes. For some it begins with letter-sound correspondence, that’s when they can recall the sounds that each letter-symbol make. For others, it’s when they can read CVC, consonant-vowel-consonant words. Everyone blooms at different times, but each time they connect, it’s special. It is one of the many privileges of being a teacher, to be a part of this process.

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A few years ago I had a student who came into kindergarten able to read…

One day I had prepared a morning message on flip chart paper before my students arrived. As they sat down for circle time, he began to read the message aloud before we even started. When he finished reading another child shouted:

“WAIT! How did you do THAT!? How do you know it says that!? THAT’S MAGIC!”

I couldn’t hide the smile on my face.

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Another goodie, is when we start to decode CVC words and blend the individual letter sounds/phonemes together. They begin by sounding out each initial phoneme and then slowly blending them together until… BOOM! They say the written word and their eyes light up with joy! At this point I’m celebrating by “raising the roof” like Arsenio Hall and pumping them up because they succeeded. It’s really fun and things can get a little crazy!

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People have asked me, “What can I do to help my child learn to read?” What I usually say is that they need a good understanding of their letter-sounds, being read to daily and last but definitely not least, make reading fun and special. In class I like to shut the curtains and bring out flashlights for a special reading atmosphere, or to send home special stuffed animals to whom the students can read to. I’ve even made tents, caves and farm houses to make reading fun and special. Currently in kinder, my French teaching partner and I are co-reading a chapter book to our group in both languages. She will read a few chapters in French, then I will take over and read the next few in English! They LOVE IT!!!

Reading by the fire

Reading with flashlights

Here’s a challenge for you! Try reading our book, The Butterfly Trap outdoors, or even with a flashlight tonight. I can assure you that if you make reading fun they will want to read more. We need to model a love of reading in our digital world.

Let us know what book you are reading and how you are making reading fun.

Have a good one, bookworms!

Love,

Kuki and Lee-Ann

Dragon & Bunny

Letting go....

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Today would have been my sister Lynn’s birthday. She was my eldest sibling and when I was a young child she used to take me shopping downtown on exciting bus adventures with the incredibly generous offer of buying me anything I wanted in the entire department store as long as I called her Mom lol! I remember choosing a huge stuffed animal because that seemed like the most audacious thing to do with such an audacious offer!

She moved out when I was very young so I don’t have many memories of her living at home but I do remember sleeping at her cool, modern, high rise apartment and admiring her for her confidence, style, beauty and sense of humour.

Our family has endured some major struggles these past years beginning with the passing of our Dad, followed by my divorce and estrangement from my middle sister shortly after, Mum’s stroke and most recently the loss of Lynn which took place almost three years ago.

So when I tell you that things are complicated, this may help to explain it. I know that all families fight and that conflict can be a productive way of resolving issues and even strengthening bonds, this isn’t what I’m talking about when I refer to our situation. I won’t get into the details but suffice it to say that there have been some grave, irreparable fractures which compounded the sadness of Lynn’s death even further.

When Lynn fell ill several years ago, prior to Mum’s stroke, with the earliest signs of disease, my brother, Mother, Kuki and I went to visit her in hospital right away. To say she wasn’t overjoyed to see us would be an understatement. As I mentioned, for years there was conflict which translated to long periods of silence. One of the first times I broke that silence was when I called her to tell her the news that our Father had died. But the thing is, I always felt that she had my back, that the weight of family conflict that arose was somehow not my burden to carry. Perhaps it was because I was the youngest and she was the oldest but we never really had a terribly complicated relationship. The hardest part was that we shared the same family that was such a source of pain for her. She would ask me “How is your mother or how is your brother?”

When she met Kuki for the first time after my divorce, she was so welcoming and understanding, didn’t even flinch when she learned that we were together. She came to our wedding and generously let us stay at her cottage as a wedding gift. We cherished her support.

She only revealed the magnitude of her cancer to me in confidence when I called to tell her that Mum had had a stroke. I was in a panic driving to the E.R to see Mum, not even knowing what was going on. My head was spinning when she told me on the phone but I swore I would keep her secret. And I did. She was a big support to me when Mum was recovering in hospital and rehab and would call  most nights for updates and to check in.

When she became progressively more sick I began to notice as our conversations changed. She wasn’t always logical and her speech could be a bit slurred. She sometimes got angry at things that didn’t happen. But when I would apologize and try to explain myself she would admit that she was sorry too and didn’t always make sense.

We brought her food and hung out with her and her husband from time to time. The disease progressed quickly at the end and soon she stopped eating and lay calmly in her bedroom in a hospital bed. Her husband caring for her from the comfort of their home.

It isn’t easy to die of cancer. I will refrain from sharing the details here as I want you to know Lynn the way you see her in this picture: Confident, outrageous, beautiful, spirited and unstoppable! It isn’t easy to watch your sister die of cancer especially when you are the only member of your immediate family who was a part of it. It felt so scary and lonely. I am so grateful for the immense support of my wife who was there with me through every layer, however. I’m quite sure I couldn’t have done it without her. There is so much vulnerability and intimacy in death. I don’t even think that there is language to capture it. If there is I don’t know it. Lynn’s devoted husband of 40 years and her two sons and their partners and children were present. We looked at pictures and shared memories and laughed just a few feet away from her door the night before she died. There was something about that time together that felt sacred and holy to me and that I can hardly describe. The immaterial world is hard to describe. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even meant to be. Letting go of my sister was so sad. Seeing my beautiful, fierce, charismatic sister succumb to death and knowing that the rest of the family didn’t say goodbye to her broke my heart even further.

This idea of letting go of things we love is not easy. To be honest, the first draft of The Butterfly Trap was dedicated to my first dog Shady with the words “This book is dedicated to the memory of Shady who taught me how to let go”

I’m not very good at letting go. I tend to hold on tight. I tend to cling. I can be scared of letting go as letting go is scary thing to do. But just as Luki learned in The Butterfly Trap, loving something doesn’t mean putting it in a cage, you can love something deeply and meaningfully even if it’s not on a leash, in your grasp, or under the blankets with you. I still love my sister. I still feel her presence and will always be affected by the ways that she made me laugh and shocked me with her audacity. She was my big sister and big sisters leave an indelible mark. She was the only sister I had since my other sister cut me off almost eight years ago. So I have had to let go and I know that this is a part of the process of loving. Isn’t there a ridiculous cliche about loving and letting go. It doesn’t make it any easier or less painful because losing those we love is both of these things but it’s a part of the journey.

In the final pages of The Butterfly Trap Luki and her mother decide to spend the rest of their day outside in the garden counting butterflies flying free. Perhaps that is what we can do, look up and count our blessings and take stock of all the love, the love we still have, the love we once had, the love we have had to set free, the love we know now and the love that is still unknown to us….

Hooray for Butterflies flying free just as they are meant to be

Rest in Peace, Lynn and Happy Birthday to you my dear sister.

What we’ve learned from our dogs (cat blog to follow lol)

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People have told me that I don’t know love because I haven’t had a child. Well, Dragon and I haven’t had any children but we have loved beyond our wildest dreams!

When Dragon and I first met, she told me that she loved dogs and that she once had a dog  named Pippin. A glorious Siberian Husky who would howl with delight whenever Dragon came home. I was skeptical and unconvinced that she was a dog person, I thought that she kind of loved the dog the way that many people do as an afterthought. Until we started dog parenting together and I learned that all of the other dogs she would love, were part of Pippin’s legacy. There are few people who love as fiercely and deeply as Dragon.

Our fur family has taught us so much about the bonds of love and the deep loyalty and connection of family.

My first dog was named Shady and was an SPCA rescue who came into my life when I was barely 21 and in my first apartment. She was a pup herself a tiny little furry black creature who was literally one of the great blessings of my life. I was scared of dogs and didn’t know what to do. She was given to me as a gift on my birthday. Upon arrival, she was placed in a closed room in my apartment with newspapers on the floor. I didn’t know what to make of her. I went to her on her first night and lay on the floor with her and talked to her. She seemed as timid and uncertain as me. That’s when I decided that we could do this.

She was such a beautiful, sweet, kind, easy, loving and perfect dog. As she grew, people would stop and ask me if she was a belgian shepherd. When I told them that she was a shelter dog they were in disbelief.

She was my first dog and she was a sheer delight! She bonded to me and it seemed she could read my mind. She was off leash most of the time and I was so confident with her. We had almost 10 years together and I am so grateful for every moment. When she died I was gutted. I think that a part of me knew that there would never be another dog like Shady. She taught me about the quiet ways of love that are beyond words and species. She also was the first to teach me that love also means letting go. I was so scared to start over as I couldn’t imagine enduring that pain again. Soon, I started researching dog breeds and learning about dog temperament. I became obsessed with dogs and carried a dog breed manual with me while visiting the local SPCA regularly. I had decided that the best way to honour her memory was to have more dogs and keep loving them and name them after her…

Enter Shawn….  The fluffy, wild little black and white border collie who wanted little to do with me and everything to do with chasing a tennis ball. I loved Shawn to the moon and back and poured every ounce of myself into him. I was determined to give him things that Shady lacked. Sadly, Shawn lost a leg in a tragic hit and run while being walked off leash by my ex when he was barely four months old. There are no words to describe how distraught I was when he was in hospital being treated for life threatening injuries. Several weeks and surgeries later he emerged from hospital minus a leg and I began the journey of being a special needs dog mom. Oh! The places we would go! We enjoyed 13.5 years of adventures, walks, countless frisbees, tennis balls, hikes and swimming, dog camp, birthday parties and nature in all the  weather. He taught me how hard love can be and so much about dogs and how wrong things can go. (Because it all did go wrong with him I’m just leaving out the countless calamities of his life). He was my sweet sweet prince and my heart grew with every click of the leash to his collar.

Shannon was dog number three. She is still in our lives. She is a very geriatric chihuahua who has always been a fussy old lady. Her golden years suit her perfectly! She is so thin and tiny and can hardly see or hear. She barks to be fed and refuses meals that aren’t to her liking. She enjoys sunbeams and naps on soft blankets. She has passed her 17th birthday already and is by far the oldest dog we have ever had. She was Shawn’s little sister and we enjoyed so many adventures together. Although she was known to refuse walks in inclement weather, she used to love getting out in the sunshine by the water with the hopes of catching the trail of the elusive muskrat… which she would chase with an uncharacteristically fierce passion!  

There was a fourth dog named Betsy. She came to us already named at 10 years old, having  been rehomed four times before becoming a member of our family. Yes, that’s right, we had three dogs for a while. Shawn, Shannon and Betsy! We laugh now as we remember those crazy dog days! But Betsy was a treasure! Our hearts were bursting with love for her! She was the sweetest little creature who craved nothing more than some comfort and cuddles. Knowing that she had endured so many changes and such rejection in her life, we were determined to make it up to her. We could hardly imagine how anyone could let her go. But we too had to let her go quite suddenly when she was diagnosed with cancer in her belly. She stopped eating and became very flat following a series of tests we learned the worst. This news came to us only months after we had lost Shawn and it was devastating!

So what have we learned from our dogs?

We have learned that love is painful and beautiful and can make you move mountains and weep waterfalls and fill your heart with a deep, growing indescribable joy.

We are so lucky to have loved and lost and we know that every time you love, the universe expands its capacity to love. So keep on loving boldly, deeply, fearlessly and furiously. That’s what we have learned from them.

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